Mexican Flight 888
by Ane Hoshi
Summary: Wackiness ensues on a Mexican airplane as antics such as those in Alpine on Crack occur, an evil monarch is overthrown and a queen is placed on her rightful throne by proxy. Suz-e, Clefster, E-chan, Legacy, general posse.


Mexican Flight 888!  
  
"Welcome to Flight 888. Have a seat and enjoy your flight." Said Stewardess Ako. "I case of an emergency..."   
  
Ako was cut off by Bko, who happily interrupted with, " THERE ARE NO PARACHUTES!"  
  
The passengers all squirmed uncomfortably and Tamahome no Miko cried out, "WE NEED PARACHUTES!"  
  
Ako went on to say something about the overhead bins but suddenly a random person who is about to die stood up and cried, "I NEED TO GO THE BATHROOM!"  
  
"PUT ON YOUR OXYGEN MASK!" shrieked Bko, who had some physiological issues and was definitely neurotic. The random person sat down meekly, shifting their legs to try and restrain their bursting bladder. The person obediently put on their mask and inhaled, and instantaneously passed out from the nerve gas flowing through the tube.   
  
"Adios amigo!" cackled Bko gleefully.  
  
"How dare you kill that innocent person!" came a voice from the back of the plane. It was...Peach-chan.  
  
"She's right! No one should just go around killing passengers!" Tasuki stood up and drew his fan. "Reka Shinen!" he cried. A jet of flame flew down the aisle (el pasillo) and consumed Bko.   
  
"No smoking Bko! No smoking!" cried Ako in a frenzy.   
  
"What do you really want Ako?" asked Clefster1.   
  
"What I really want?"  
  
"What you really want."  
  
"What I really want?"   
  
"YES ALREADY!" screamed Ane Hoshi.  
  
"Well, I really really want to get off this plane. There is that weirdo with orange hair and a harisen, there is that elf chick, the blue haired pointed eared dude, and that weird happy haired girl who wants a parachute! YOU ALL HAVE TO BE ON WEIRD DRUGS!"   
  
But by this time Ane Hoshi had gotten quite tired of dealing with the annoying Ako and so she tied her up and stuffed her in the coach class restroom. "Come on everyone, there a'int no point in staying back here when the stewardesses can't yell at us! First class ho!"  
  
"I hope not!" mentioned Tamahome no Miko.   
  
  
Tasuki, Clefster, Ane, TnMiko and Peach-chan gathered their respective carry-on bags and trouped to the first class section. Before Ane could even sit her butt down in one of the plush, leather wrapped heavenly seats; the first class stewardess came running up. "Rasta Bananna?" she guessed at Ane. "It is the posse! You aren't supposed to be here with your tickets and all, but I love you, so lets fraud the airline!"  
  
General cheers of "Good for you Ju-chan" rose and everyone settled down into the comfy seats. Clefster snapped his fingers and cried, "Air Wench!"   
  
"What did you just call me?" bellowed Ju-chan.  
  
"Ehheh...I meant that I want a flaming dessert." He tried to fix his error.  
  
"Coming right up!" said Ju-chan and she marched off to the kitchenette.  
  
Two figures garbed in black rose from some seats in the front and slipped into a restroom quickly. Peach-chan started desperately poking TnMiko's arm. "E-chan! Some people just went into the restroom together!"  
  
"Yhea, they probably want to get swanky in there."  
  
Before anyone could reply to this comment, an automated voice filled the cabin. "Warning! Warning! A Federal Law has been broken. Warning! Warning A Federal Law has been broken." It drone on like this for quite sometime (while a second voice started it up in Spanish) until Ju-chan came back and thrust Clefster's flaming dessert at him before heading towards the two people who had just popped out of the restroom in terror.   
  
"It's against Federal Law to get swanky in an airplane restroom? This is supposed to be First Class!" cried Ane, who was sitting across the aisle from Peach-chan and TnMiko (who were occupying a two seat middle row).   
  
* NOTE :The author probably could have thought up a good pun to put here or something, but according to the E-chan-Pep-chan Pact, the author could not even bring herself to come up with a pun or joke about a certain person, although the butter incident was described in excess detail at lunch and the author would really like to kill certain parties for that.*  
  
"NO!" Cried Ju-chan. "These two disconnected the smoke detector!" The braided stewardess/air wench thrust Su-chan and Cat forward by the scruffs of their black turtleneck shirts.   
  
"We didn't...uh...help me Su..." stumbled Cat.  
  
"We didn't want Clefster's flambéing dessert to get the smoke detectors going." She finally said.   
  
"Still! Breaking Federal Law!" admonished Ju-chan.  
  
"I think they should be killed for this!" said Clefster, trying his best to be helpful considering that it was his dessert that had gotten Cat and Su in trouble.   
  
Cat raised an eyebrow and twitched. Su cried out, "Who will help me put Cat in the overhead bin?"  
  
Legacy Lost randomly popped out of a kasa and helped hike Cat up into the overhead bin where she curled up and watched everyone suspiciously. Ju-chan had disappeared during all this and now she was returning looking rather flustered and worried. "Uh..slight problem."  
  
"WHAT?!" cried Peach-chan, who really really wanted to get a word in.  
  
"Yes, tell us!" commanded Clefster.  
  
"WE ARE FLYING INTO A FOG!" cried Ju-chan.  
  
"Lemme see! Now Ju-chan! Now!" Ane dragged the poor stewardess down the aisle and into the cockpit. Clefster and the rest of the posse were following curiously. Ane took one look out the windshield and gasped, drawing a hand to her bosom. "It is an evil mist." She proclaimed, a trembling hand rising dramatically to point at the horizon. "It is an evil mist that pervades my soul with dark icky icy perverse fingers of DEATH!" Clefster gasped and fainted and Su-chan had to catch him. "I can hear the mist speaking to me..." muttered Ane, who was in a trance. "It says it wants Su-chan to become...? Queen of the Polar Bears?"  
  
"Oooo! Fun!" squeeled Su.  
  
"What the heck?" asked Cat.  
  
"Why don't I get to be the PRINCESS?" whined Peach-chan.  
  
"Because the mist said so." Remarked Ju-chan.  
  
"Well, let's go to the North Pole in my kasa and get the bear's approval first. We don't' want a dictator ship-no da." Said Legacy. Everyone cheered and agreed and hopped into the kasa.  
  
It was very cold at the North Pole. That was the first thing the travelers noticed, seeing as how all but Su and Cat were clad in tropical summer gear. The second thing they noticed was the polar bears advancing towards them. Cat walked towards them and babbled in perfect self-taught Japanese. The bears stared at her blankly. TnM walked forward and raised her right hand. "Take us to your leader." She said in a good space-alien voice. The bears nodded and turned around from whence they came, the posse followed.  
  
They entered the complex of snow caves that the bears lived in and were lead to the throne room. Sitting on the throne was a skinny little boy, short, with dark curly hair who was brandishing a palm pilot. "AYEEE! MICROSOFT JUST PLUMMETED!" he cried.  
  
"Um..sire, some guests..." mumbled one bear.  
  
"Yhea thanks." Said the boy to the denizen. Turning to the posse, "Hi, I'm Nhoj Neeshahee."  
  
"I know you!" Cried Clefster heatedly. "You made my daemon restless! You uncouth mongrel!"   
  
Su piped up, "Polar Bears! The Evil Mist That Prevaded Ane's Soul With Dark Icy...Perverse fingers of Death proclaimed me to be your Queen. What say you?"  
  
One bear spoke up, "She's pretty."  
  
A lady bear said, "Nice green mascara."  
  
A third said, "She's buffer than Nhok Neeshahee."  
  
The fourth said, "She looks like a Sailor Moon fan."  
  
The fifth said, "Lets get her on the throne."  
  
Su grinned and walked up the stairs to the dias the throne sat upon. She flicked Nhoj Neeshahee in the head and he fell out of the chair onto the ice floor. Sitting upon the throne, Su-chan snapped her fingers and a crown appeared upon her head with a little antenna poking out. "My first order as Queen of the Polar Bears is...to have Nhoj Neeshahee executed."  
  
Everyone cheered.   
  
Except Nhoj Neeshahee.  
  
But the polar bears liked the idea and said, "We will have it happen right now, we will but our executer Elvira on the case."  
  
"Elvira?" asked Peach-chan.  
  
"Whatever." Said Legacy.  
  
"Uh oh." Said TnMiko.  
  
"I really should have brought some schnapps off the plane." Said Ane. Clefster was off doing a little dance. (?? Why ??)  
  
In the circle of blood stained snow centered in the bear city, a very ugly, pimply, skinny, wrinkly, scraggly, bony, saggy woman was standing stooped over. "Is that Elvira?" asked Peach-chan. Legacy shrugged with TnMiko.   
  
Nhoj Neeshahee stood in the circle waiting his fait. And it came. Elvira gathered the bright hot pink-magenta-fuchsia chi in her hand and released it. It flew threw the air. It made a noise like a police siren. A rigger mortise swordfish fell from the sky. But it bounced off Nhoj's puny head, that chi.   
  
Clefster felt it time to give some helpful insight to the events and raised his finger before stateing, "Elvira's chi is not very effective."   
  
"What is Chi?" asked Ju-chan.  
  
"Don't get them started." Said Peach-chan.  
  
"Sounds like a good idea." Replyed Ju-chan.  
  
Elvira's chi proven ineffective, the executioner picked the rigger mortise swordfish and extracted a whale's heart from it. She threw it at Nhoj Neeshahee and the purity of it all consumed his corrupted soul and he was burned to ashes. There was much celebrateing.  
  
"Oh shit!" cried Legacy Lost.  
  
"What?" said All.  
  
"The plane is about to land! We have to get back!"   
  
"But I'm Queen of the Polar Bears!" protested Suz-e.  
  
"Rule by proxy." Suggested Cat.  
  
"Hey! Tasuki can stand in for you!" said Ane.  
  
  
"Good plan." Suz-chan said. Every one kasa'ed back onto the plane and got back to the states just in time for school...  
  
Afterword:  
  
Ju and Peach -chan were frazzled and forgot to put on bows. They were sad.  
  
TnMiko became very jubulent and ate lollies.  
  
Ane felt tired and recorded the events previous before killing someone involved in the original butter incident because the whole thing was so humiliating...  
  
Clefster went to school and learned Japanese, that afternoon he was sacked by Ane and she demanded his knowledge.  
  
Cat went home and did cosplay and learned Japanese obscenities.  
  
Su-chan took a lavender bath in the school swimming pool and put on green fishnets and ruled her northern kingdom wisely.   
  
And Legacy Lost danced and sang and ate lollies with TnMiko.  



End file.
